Fear is a dynamic, multifaceted emotion. When you learn to discern its messages and respond accordingly, you can be more happy and whole, even when you\u2019re feeling it.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When you first think of fear, you may be reminded of feeling like you were in danger, for example, when walking in a dark alley at night, being in a social setting when a fight breaks out, or having a too-close-for-comfort encounter with a vicious or deadly creature. This type of fear warrants a response to get yourself out of the situation quickly, and it\u2019s best to listen to that fight or flight feeling without question or delay.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But not every situation in which you feel fear deserves the same reaction. I\u2019m thinking about the times when you were afraid to move forward through the unknowns in your life,\u00a0 you were worried about being able to pay the bills, or dreading going on that blind date. The centerpiece of those experiences of fear might be nausea, anxiety or some other form of internal upset.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There\u2019s also fun and exhilaration, which can exist inside<\/em> the fear. This can be experienced during a planned situation where you expect the fear, and<\/em> you know it will be over soon, like the way you feel while watching a scary movie, riding a roller coaster, or going down a class 5 rapids in a kayak. The fear you feel when there is no threat to life or limb, also known as emotional fear, can feel just as powerful. So if fear in danger is saying \u2018protect yourself\u2019 and\/or \u2018get out of here,\u2019 what\u2019s the message from emotional fear and how does it serve you?\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhen you are willing to experience discomfort, you give yourself the opportunity to get to a better place\u201d <\/strong><\/p>~Valerie R Sheppard <\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n One way to examine this is through this definition, which I heard sage and beautiful Jennifer Hough, master teacher and creator of The Wide Awakening Playground, share in a video recently: \u201cFear is a well-practiced protective mechanism from what doesn\u2019t actually exist in reality.\u201d In other words, you are potentially conjuring<\/em> a story of an experience you think<\/em> might happen in your future, based on what you don\u2019t want to re-experience from your past. But it\u2019s a story that hasn\u2019t happened yet\u2026and may never happen in fact. This is why the saying that fear is an acronym for the phrase \u201cFalse Evidence Appearing Real\u201d makes so much sense to so many people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yes, it\u2019s true that sometimes, your fear can actually support you to take action in a more thoughtful way. Fear might support you to make more conscious choices, more carefully weigh your options, and minimize your downside risks. However, if you let the fear run you, rather than getting superiority over it (that\u2019s self-mastery), your fear stops you in your tracks, slowing you down and holding you back \u2014 over, and over, and over again \u2014 when what you fear, is not actually present.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is feeling the fear and moving forward anyway. When you watch interviews with heroes or read their stories, it\u2019s rare for them to say they felt no fear and that\u2019s why they sprung into action. In fact, they felt the fear, but just didn\u2019t let it prevent them from doing what they were being called to do in the moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It doesn\u2019t matter how old you are or the things you achieve throughout your lifetime, you\u2019ll find yourself face to face with your fear on more than one occasion.\u00a0 Here are my tips to help you keep your happy on as you take action in the face of whatever emotional fear might be talking to you.\u00a0 In the midst of those stressful situations, your brain tends to trust the fear as absolute truth of what is happening in the here and now. This little bit of fear then grows into a worst case scenario that you visualize in great detail (this is the conjuring I mentioned above). The fear we picture is rarely the actual reality of the situation, and the worst case scenario rarely happens. Why? Because though the fear is unfolding in the here and now, the scenario you\u2019re fearfully projecting is not. Getting clear on what you\u2019re actually afraid of brings you into a more conscious awareness of where you are, and on what you\u2019re focused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, if you\u2019re afraid of an upcoming meeting with your manager, you want to ask why? What\u2019s the real reason for your discomfort? Is it because the last meeting didn\u2019t go so well? Then look at what\u2019s different about this time relative to last ime. If it\u2019s because you always feel fearful when interacting with authority figures, explore when that feeling first got imprinted on you. Perhaps you had a tough encounter with a parent, teacher, clergy person or police officer when you were young, and you\u2019ve never healed that wound. Regardless, knowing what the real issue is and where it came from is the first step in dealing with it. Befriend your fear. It has protected you in a lot of situations throughout your life. Even if you\u2019re not sure why you are feeling fear in the present moment or think that you don\u2019t need it right now, you can experience it with acceptance and love rather than upset and resistance.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Emotional fear is not something to resist or suppress. In fact, it has a gift for you that is difficult, if not impossible, to receive until you are willing to be in a relationship with it. When you can shift into receiving fear as you speaking to yourself, you can learn what it\u2019s trying to teach you, about you, for you, and as a result, your life can unfold at a higher vibration going forward. Numerous scientific studies have shown that gratitude is one of the key contributors to feelings of overall happiness and well being.\u00a0 Sometimes when fear is trying to get your undivided attention, you can loosen its grip on you by focusing elsewhere. Even in a particularly trying or debilitating situation, there is something worthy of your gratitude. Perhaps it\u2019s your strength or discernment, or that you have a friend or family member to call on. No matter how small that something might be, giving it your conscious attention can quiet the fear, giving you an opportunity to get to a superior position over it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Legend has it that a King centuries ago asked his wise counsel for a ring that would make him happy when he was sad.\u00a0 His counsel returned with a ring that read \u201cTHIS TOO SHALL PASS.\u201d Nothing lasts forever, and that\u2019s true of your fears as well. Even if you are aren\u2019t actively learning to transform your fear responses, the emotional fear you feel in a moment will release as you live past that moment to experience what happens next.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Remembering to employ these tips will help you take control of how soon you get superiority so the fear doesn\u2019t run you, or run you ragged.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\nGetting Superiority Over Fear<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
1. Determine what you are really<\/em> afraid of. <\/h3>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. Build a loving relationship with your fear. <\/h3>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Find at least one thing in the moment for which to be grateful. <\/h3>\n\n\n\n
4. Remind yourself that \u201cthis too shall pass.\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
\n\nStay well and BE happy!
Valerie\n\n<\/h3>\n\n\n\n